As our parents age, the need to discuss their future care and living needs becomes increasingly important, but also potentially more challenging. Often, the hardest part of these conversations is starting them, as bringing the subject up can feel awkward or can cause some to brace for a potential conflict that they would rather avoid. However, engaging in respectful and open conversations with your parents about their aging and future is vital to how their emotional, mental and physical needs can be met going forward.
If you’re looking for actionable advice on approaching this sensitive topic, take a look at some of the ideas laid out in this blog.
Why These Conversations Are Important
Simply put, conversations about care and living plans are important because they give you and your parents the opportunity to agree on what is going to be best for them as they age. Having a plan in place provides a sense of comfort and reassurance, which can be a huge help in times of transition. Additionally, the sooner you have these conversations, even starting as early as retirement, the less pressure there is to come up with a solution quickly — talking things through over a longer period of time can give your aging parents the time they need to think about their future and consider all their independent and assisted living options.
When it comes to those living options, it’s important to make sure your parents have a clear understanding of the different kinds of independent and assisted living communities that are available, including their benefits, care options, amenities and living arrangements. By starting these talks early — going through your parents current and future needs for care, how they want to live as they age and concerns for their overall well-being — making the right community choice is much easier.
These conversations may be challenging, especially in the early stages. Pushback, denial and general resistance to change are all perfectly natural responses and should be met with patience and calm communication. Take the time to prepare yourself before the conversation even happens in order to help keep your emotional responses and reactions in check.
How To Prepare for the Conversation
Before bringing up the topic of their future living and care arrangements, try to get a realistic picture of your parents’ current physical and financial health. If you aren’t sure where to start, ask other family members and close friends about any changes of medication, frequency of doctor’s visits and overall health. They may also have insights on spending habits and changes to their budget that could let you know . You should also directly ask your parents questions about their physical and financial health — especially the outlook for chronic or potential medical conditions, as well as future savings and income levels — without pushing the subject towards future care and living situations.
Once you have a good idea of your parents’ health, take the time to research the different types of senior living facilities. By coming to the conversation prepared with facts about the various options, you can help your parents make an informed decision that isn’t influenced by hearsay or myths.
Tips for Having a Respectful and Productive Dialogue
No matter how much information you bring to the table, the most important thing to remember is that this is actually a conversation — not an intervention. If you’re looking for tips to use when talking to aging parents about assisted or independent living communities, try these:
- Approach the conversation with an empathetic mindset
- Facilitate dialogue with open-ended questions
- Frame the conversation around their needs, goals and preferences
- Listen actively to their questions and concerns
Managing Resistance With Compassion
Some people will react negatively to the initial conversation about the transition to assisted living. This is perfectly normal, as many people feel defensive about their ability to stay in their home or are in denial about ever needing to change their living situation. The first key to overcoming this resistance is patience. These conversations are rarely simple, with plenty of details and decisions to be made even for those who are receptive to the change. Make the time for multiple conversations and suggest that they speak with other family members and loved ones about their options.
Exploring Care Options Together
Over the course of talking to your aging parents about the various assisted living options available to them, be sure to include them as you research the best fit. It is important to not overwhelm them with information, so picking out a few independent living, assisted living and life plan community options to look through together can be a good solution.
Taking the Next Steps
The first conversation can be the most challenging for some, but the following steps are just as important. Make sure you have as many conversations as needed and to revisit any options that your parents want to look at again, then move towards making a plan to find the best fit for them. Some of the best practices to follow when choosing a senior living community include:
- Location – living near loved ones and family can help the transition and ensure they have people nearby that can visit
- Quality of care – research the qualifications of caregivers and their approach to care, the capacity for individual care plans and staff-to-resident ratio
- Services and amenities – make sure the services, available social opportunities and amenities of each facility match the needs and preferences of your parents.
Supporting Your Parents Through the Journey
Starting to talk to your aging parents about their future can feel like a monumental task — especially if you are concerned with how they will reach. The good news: it’s okay if your first conversation (or even the first few) don’t go perfectly. By staying patient and keeping an open-mind throughout the whole process, your parents will start to see that this change is rooted in love and is focused on helping them ensure their living preferences and care needs are met for years to come.
If you are ready to begin the process of finding a community for your parents, VOANS has a number of different welcoming and vibrant communities to choose from.
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